Fixing A Hole (In My Flesh)

I'm breaking in some new shoes. I wore them for about two hours yesterday, walked around the Sunset Strip a good deal while waiting for a comedy show to start, and developed a wicked blister just below the Achilles tendon on both feet. My girlfriend had lots of blisters to deal with just recently, because she's training for a marathon, and I decided to deal with mine the way she dealt with hers: by sterilizing a needle, poking a tiny hole in the blister, draining it, and slapping a bandage over it. What follows is my impression of me going about this task.

"All riiiight, one blister popped by itself! I'll just put a bandage over that one. This is so easy!

"Now, for a needle. Do I have needles? No, I do not. But I do have a box of pushpins and twist-ties and random fasteners. Maybe there's something needley in there that I can use!

"Here we go, a safety pin! I'm so resourceful.

"But how am I going to sterilize the safety pin? I don't have any rubbing alcohol or anything. But I DO have a Bic lighter. Maybe if I just hold the tip of the pin over the flame...?

"....

"It's probably pretty hot by now, right? Maybe just a bit longer...

"....

"Okay, I'm starting to feel the warmth. I think it's ready. I'll just slide it ever so gently into the blister and WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHH MY GOD.

"Is that SMOKE?

"What is that smell? Oh, right, that would be the smell of BURNED ME.

"Well, at least I neatly cauterized the hole I just made in my foot. I'll just put a bandage on it and never speak of it again. Unless I run out of things to write about in my blog."



As an antidote to the horror and revulsion and whatnot, please enjoy this addendum: I went shopping for some gel insoles for the new shoes, and I almost bought a set of insoles that were totally the wrong size, simply because the package said "Outrageous Cushioning!" I like the idea of someone being cushioned to the point of outrage. "I will not stand for this amount of pure comfort! GOOD DAY TO YOU SIR!!!"